"Forever." said the mouse

After being united/reunited with the ever amazing Helena through FaceBook, i have been thinking a lot about writing, and more importantly what i used to write. I was trying to find something to send her way as a decent sample of my old writing, and ended up stumbling upon a treasure trove of angst-ridden writing from my first few years of art school. A lot of talk about plants, my dead father, bars, laying in bed, ghosts, a girl i have seen once in three years, ear drums, subway systems, and everything of the sort. I came upon something i had written when i was 19, which was basically a fake diary entries from the age of 5 to death...about 10 of them, each one placed oddly between long stretches of time. Within these entries was this:

"May 2nd, 2007, age 23. I wish I were 18. I live in a studio apartment, with a cat. My cat’s name is “Sweet Macey”, she hates it when I call her that. I called HER the other day, she said she missed me, but not enough to talk for more than 5 minutes. She just has a funny way of loving me I guess. I don’t really get out that much, I bought a coffee maker, because the café threatened to arrest me. I didn’t know a twenty three year old could loiter. I cut open bagels and whisper to them that the have been lied to. Sometimes they whisper back the same thing in return. My sink is uninhabited by ghosts and relatives alike, and I miss everyone. I don’t have a car, I walk everywhere, and complain to no one that my boots hurt my feet. I guess my legs are still crooked"

After reading this, i burst into tears. I have no idea how i was able to hit the nail on the head almost 5 years ago. I need to change something, and i need to change it fast.

What a great way to start a birthday.